I have been a Christian my whole life, but it has mostly been a selfish one. However, earlier this year, as I was agonizing about what my calling was, what I was supposed to do with my life, how I was supposed to get free from insecurity, anxiety, and depression, the Lord gently showed me why I was so miserable. I wasn’t designed to live for myself. To live outside of one’s design can only end in sorrow. “For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him” (Col. 1:16). I was consumed with thoughts about myself, negative though they were. I have been through the wringer with insecurity, and let me tell you, what a demonic load of crap! Anything that gets you to constantly think about yourself, either positively or negatively, is not from the Lord. 

There is freedom in self-forgetfulness. To forget about yourself is not self-deprecation. Because Jesus is so holy, so other, so beautiful, so worthy of all devotion, it is only right and natural to forget ourselves in His presence. It is not to think less of ourselves, but to not think of ourselves at all! Thankfully, Jesus showed me a simple solution to my self-centeredness in Scripture: “For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised” (2 Cor. 5:14-15). In other words, because Jesus died for me, I don’t have to live for myself anymore. I don’t have to be a slave to sin and unrighteousness. I have been given the right to be His child and a slave to God and His righteousness. Oh, the cross of Jesus Christ! If we really took the time to process and contemplate the work that Jesus accomplished for us on the cross, we would get delivered of all that is holding us back from walking in the freedom He paid for. 

As I mentioned earlier, I struggled severely with insecurity and comparison for most of my 20s. It started to resurface recently, and I began to think I would never be free from it. Why was I living like a slave when it was for freedom that I had been freed? (Gal. 5:1). It was hindering me from forming much-needed female friendships; it was creating tension in my marriage; and most unsettling of all, I was believing things about myself and others that were simply not true. When you believe a lie about yourself, you project that lie onto others. So when I was around others, I would automatically think they hated me. As for God, I didn’t think He hated me, but I didn’t think He liked me all that much either. Of course, now I realize how grieving this is to both people who want to be your friend and God, who wants you to see yourself as He sees you—beautiful, unique, chosen, valued, and enjoyed! He also wants to be your friend. He hates anything that comes between you and Him. 

“Why was I living like a slave when it was for freedom

that I had been freed?”

I also came to realize that when we agree with a lie about ourselves, we disagree with what God says about us. This is dangerous ground, and when we do this, we need to quickly repent and disagree with all the lies we have been believing. Even if we do not feel God’s truth about ourselves, we need to at least declare in faith that what God says is true. This faith is pleasing to God, and it also will transform and renew our minds until eventually, our thoughts about ourselves conform to God’s thoughts about us (see Romans 12:2). When I started to audibly disagree with the serpent’s lies and agree with God’s truth, faith started to rise in me. For me, deliverance did not happen overnight. It came slowly. Chains started to break day by day as I washed myself with the Word of God and mediated on the powerful work of the cross of Jesus Christ.

Recently, I experienced the most extraordinary breakthrough with the repetitive reading and contemplation of Romans chapter 6. I felt compelled by the Lord to read it again and again until I understood more fully what happened on the cross. Jesus was not the only Man to die on that cross. It was you. It was me. It was my old self that was crucified with Him and was at last freed from lifelong slavery to sin and fear of death. As Paul wrote, “We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin” (Rom. 6:6-7). We must receive this good news by faith or it will hold no transforming power for our lives. As Paul wrote, “…it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes…” (Rom. 1:16, emphasis added). Walking in faith is key to walking in freedom.

“We must receive this good news by faith or it will hold no transforming power for our lives.”

We can actually hear the good news and not benefit from it if we do not hear it in faith. The author of Hebrews wrote of the good news that God has prepared an eternal rest for His people, yet most of the Israelites who wandered in the wilderness hardened their hearts and did not believe. As the author writes, “For good news came to us just as to them, but the message they heard did not benefit them, because they were not united by faith with those who listened” (Heb. 4:2). Some manuscripts translate the last part as “it did not meet with faith in the hearers.” Out of all the adult Israelites from that first generation to wander in the wilderness for 40 years, only Joshua and Caleb entered the promised land (see Num. 32:11-12). Salvation is an interesting thing. God saves us from slavery to sin, but He also saves us for freedom in Christ. The Israelites had been saved from their slavery in Egypt, but their lack of faith hindered them from walking into the fullness of their salvation and the promises of God. 

As I referenced earlier, “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery” (Gal. 5:1). There is a purpose to our freedom. You may not feel like it now, but there is great power in the message of the cross when it meets with faith in your heart. Salvation consists of being saved from something for something. This is the good news. The trouble is that some of us don’t understand what we’ve been saved from. We don’t talk about sin and hell as much as we should. It makes people uncomfortable. Yet if we do not understand how much we have been forgiven and what we have been saved from, how are we to love God as much as He deserves? How are we to faithfully walk out the first and greatest commandment, to love God wholeheartedly? How are we to forgive others, for that matter, if we do not understand the gravity of what we ourselves have been forgiven? As Jesus said of the sinful woman who anointed His feet with perfume, “Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little” (Luke 7:47).

“Salvation consists of being saved from something for something.”

Yet on the other hand, some of us do realize to a degree what we’ve been saved from but have not fully understood what we have been saved for. This is not about our calling. For years I wasted time agonizing over what my “calling” is. Our calling is Him. Steffany Gretzinger once said, “Jesus never called anyone to anything but to Himself. He said, ‘Follow me.’” Indeed, our calling is to follow Him. Not our own passions and dreams, but to live for His passions and dreams. Yes, sometimes He gives us passions and dreams that we are called to step into with faith. But never without first committing them into His hands and for His glory. I think sometimes we are just out here doing things because we like to do them and never stop and ask the Lord, “Is this what you want me to do? If not, show me the way to go. If this is not from you, close the doors and open new ones.”

“Jesus never called anyone to anything but to Himself.

He said, ‘Follow me.’”

Steffany Gretzinger

However, we can overthink this matter. I am the queen of overthinking, and it has caused much unnecessary anxiety in my life. But it is more simple than we realize. What has He said is the one thing that is necessary above all others? To sit at His feet. To gaze upon His beauty. To seek His face. As David wrote, “You have said, ‘Seek my face.’ My heart says to you, ‘Your face, LORD, do I seek” (Ps. 27:8). When I stopped trying to force things to happen and really went into my room and shut the door and began to seek His face and gaze upon His beauty, everything changed. Peace and joy and holy contentment began to fill my heart. I no longer sought fulfillment in my calling because I was so captivated by the One who calls. This is the good portion which cannot be taken from us. This is the pearl of great price, the treasure hidden in the field that is worth selling all we have just to possess this one thing.

“I no longer sought fulfillment in my calling because I was so captivated by the One who calls. This is the good portion which cannot be taken from us.”